The subtitle of this blog ("Because someday there will be a boy who will want to date my daughter..."), nestled neatly beneath the image of shotgun, has always seemed to reference a future that is far enough away that it's kind of fun to joke about. When people look at Alison and say things to me like, "Oh, you're gonna have to watch out for that one..." or "Just wait until the boys start knocking on your door..." we would always laugh. Someone would mention that I'd have to buy a shotgun, and we'd laugh some more.
But somewhere deep in my Shotgun Daddy heart, there was a place where there was no laughter. This was the place where I loaded shotguns, built towers, and researched Catholic boarding schools. This was the place where I knew that "someday" would be here sooner rather than later.
Let it be known that Someday arrived on the Fourth of July, 2009.
We spent the afternoon at a friend's house, watching the kids chase around and frolic in the afternoon sun as burgers and dogs sizzled on the grill. It was America at its best. The kind of day that made you feel like all was good in the world. I relaxed, enjoyed a cold beer, and soaked up some sun. Not a care in the world.
But then I saw what was happening right under my nose. There were more than a dozen or so kids frolicking back and forth, but there was one particular boy (we'll call him Romeo) who seemed to be frolicking after Alison a bit more than necessary. When the kids were playing on the water slide, Romeo always seemed to slide down right after Alison. When they started throwing poppers, those tiny little things that snap and pop when they hit the ground, Romeo threw them at Alison's feet. When the water balloons came out, he threw every one of his balloons at Alison.
For her part, Alison wasn't too impressed. He was probably about eleven to her nine, but it didn't seem that Alison felt he was worth her time. After his water balloon barrage, however, she did get angry and chase him around for a bit, probably the best two minutes of his life.
After we moved on to grandma's house later that night, Leslie mentioned to Alison that she thought maybe Romeo had liked her. Alison didn't bother looking up.
"Yeah, I know," she said.
"What? How do you know?" I asked.
"It just seemed like it."
"How did it seem like it?"
"He chased me, he threw balloons at me, he pushed me..."
I could only shake my head, as my inner Shotgun Daddy fought the first of what will likely be thousands of battles with Understanding Daddy. Understanding Daddy won out, and he offered this advice:
"Don't worry, Alison. One day the boys will figure out something that makes more sense than chasing and hitting."
Alison's twenty-year-old cousin, Rachel, who had been listening nearby, caught my eye and said knowingly, "But not for a long, long time."
So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
When my daughter's happen to get "gentlemen callers" (they're 3 yrs and 8 months old). If they pass the credit check, and it's time to meet me. Im going to set them in the most uncomfortable chair in the house and I will sit in it facing them. Our knees will be inches from one another. Behind me, I will either have a collection of various swords, or a wall of fake drivers licenses staples on fake MISSING posters of other boys his age.
I'd like to think I'm open minded
Posted by: Eric | July 14, 2009 at 04:43 AM
Cute story, but scary. I guess I could say that because I am a mother of a 13 year old boy who would be at the opposite end of the barrel. Now that my son is emerging into adolescence and discovering the wonders of the opposite sex, I have this constant image of this Big Giant, Bald Headed, Bouncer looking Daddy, with cascading muscles pouring out of his tight black shirt; arms crossed standing outside his front door waiting for my son’s explanation as to why he is exactly 1 minute and 32 seconds late from dropping his “daddy’s little girl” off past curfew.
Then there is this other fear were my expectations of a potential mate for my son are dwindled when I am introduced to the love of his life whose nose ring has a chain that connects to her right ear that seems to attract the 20 or so stars that she has tattooed on the side of her face; the very same black stars that match perfectly with her black lipstick.
But then, once again I have to keep reminding myself that my parents went through the same thing and we all came out ok - I think.
Posted by: Cynthia | July 15, 2009 at 11:52 AM
In light of your last two posts, Hank, do you think Alison is preparing to kiss a few frogs?
Posted by: Joann Ludwig | July 15, 2009 at 03:42 PM