Shotgun Daddy

Your Algebra

Now that the kids have been back in school for a few weeks, our evenings have gone back to the usual routine: Dinner sometime between 5:30 and six, shower for Alison, bath for Kate, bath for Henry, bed for Kate at seven, homework for Alison and Henry at 7:01, bed by eight for both. It's almost always the same.

Henry is still in pre-school, so his homework consists of coloring and working on his letters. Today he created a family portrait, drawing five happy faces and asking me to label them Mama, Daddy, Alison, Henry, and Baby Kate. Very cute. I'm not sure why, but Alison was the only one with hair.

As difficult as it is to believe, Alison's in the first grade now, so she has homework every night. So far it's been fairly light, just a single worksheet with phonics on one side and math on the other. She breezes through the front, circling pictures that begin with the letter J, for example, and coasts through the back, which is usually a collection of math facts like 5+2.

She finished so quickly tonight that we decided to look at a worksheet from class that she hadn't finished. At first glance it was just more of the same: 4+3, 1+5. Easy. But then we got to the "bonus problem" at the bottom. It went like this:

Lisa tiene 5 años. Adam tiene 3 años mas que Lisa tiene. Karen es un año menos que Adam. ¿Cuántos años tiene Karen?

Yes, it was in Spanish. Here's the translation:

Lisa is five years old. Adam is three years older than Lisa. Karen is one year younger than Adam. How old is Karen?

Who is this teacher kidding? Is she trying to drive us insane? I understand that the elementary school curriculum has changed a touch in the past thirty years, but this is a bit ridiculous. I think I first came across problems like this when I was in the sixth grade. Here's how the conversation went after we translated the question:

Alison: I don't understand.
Daddy: Okay, how old is Lisa?
Alison: 5.
Daddy: Good! How old is Adam?
Alison: 3.
Daddy: No, Adam is three years older than Lisa. How old is Adam?
Alison: 3.
Daddy (breathing deeply): No, Lisa is five and Adam is older than she is. Three years older.
Alison: (No response)
Daddy: So if Adam is three years older than five, then Adam must be...
Alison: (No response)
Daddy: Okay. Lisa is five years old, right?
Alison: Right!
Daddy: And Adam is three years older than that, right?
Alison: Right!
Daddy: So five plus three is??
Alison: Eight!
Daddy: YES!! So how old is Adam?
Alison: (No response)
Daddy: Adam is eight, okay?
Alison: Okay, Daddy.
Daddy: Adam is eight, and Karen is one year younger than Adam, so how old is Karen?
Alison: Who's Karen?

Touch of Grey

If you see me on the street and there appears to be a bit more grey in my hair than usual, let me explain. We were shopping in Sport Chalet the other day, and Alison was looking at the shorts on a male mannequin when she noticed something unusual.

"Daddy, look -- this man has a penis."
"What??"
"See, look..."

And to confirm, she grasped the mannequin's package through his running shorts and looked up at me and laughed.

Lord help me.