The Two Faces of Henry

Henry is the sweetest boy I know.
Henry is the most difficult boy I know.

Depending upon which way the wind is blowing, either of these statements can be true, and I have no idea why.

It used to be that Henry was nothing but sunshine, smiling brightly and laughing easily as he picked flowers for his mother and played gently with his sister. He never fell victim to the the terrible twos, but the day he turned three, something changed. He became the most difficult boy I know.

Once upon a time, he had started each day with a smile. Now his first word in the morning was often, "No!" Just like the greeting cards say, nothing says I love you like a one-word rebuke shouted at the top of your lungs. He would beg Alison to play with him, but then he would either argue incessantly with her or delight in badgering her until she retreated, often in tears.

He had one favorite game, though. If there was something he wanted, whether small like a napkin or big like a piece of candy, he would beg, kick, and scream until he got your attention. Here's how it would go:

Henry: Water!
Parent: I want water.
Henry: Water!!!
Parent: I want water.
Henry: I want water!!!
Parent: Good boy! Here's your water.
Henry: No!!!
Parent: Okay, no water.
Henry: Water!
(Lather, rinse, repeat.)

It was around this time that we arrived at a new protocol. Whenever I left the house on an errand, I would take Henry with me. It was mainly to save my dear wife from having to bang her head against the wall while alone with three children, but the secret benefit was that Henry became a completely different child when isolated from the rest of the family.

The sweetest boy I know.

When we go on our missions together to pick up a pizza or run to the hardware store, he's calm, attentive, polite -- and above all -- sweet. We've come to realize that at least 50% of this can be attributed to sibling rivalry. As much as he and Alison love playing together, they still spend an awful lot of time at each other's throat, and Henry's demeanor changes dramatically the moment his sister walks into the room, but there's something more going on.

As Leslie has mentioned several times, Henry and I seem to have some sort of power struggle going on. When we're out the door and on our own, everything's fine, but as we're getting ready, we tend to battle over the smallest of things. If he's trying to zip his jacket, for example, first he won't let me help him, and then when he comes to me thirty seconds later, I won't want to help him.

It's easier for Leslie to look at the big picture in situations like this, so she can usually smooth things over, but it always leaves me wondering. Even though Henry and I spend an awful lot of quality time together running errands, playing games, and reading bedtime stories, I worry that the small issues we have now could ripen into big ones in years to come.

Or maybe not.

We have a ritual, Henry and I. I'll ask him a simple question, "Who's my boy?" and he'll give me a simple answer: "Me." The other day when I asked him, though, I got a surprize.

"Who's my boy?"
"Nobody."

And then he laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. He's a funny boy. The sweetest boy I know.

Comments

[weigooksaram]

Could it maybe be a middle-child thing? It seems like he really wants your attention, and when he isn't getting it he acts out. (I have a niece who's a middle child and she is the same way, sweet when she's the only kid around, but a terror when she's with her brothers.) I would keep doing those one-on-one outings, because it sounds like that's what he needs from you right now.

[Leslie]

I agree w/ weigooksaram! Perhaps that's just what he needs to be daddy's boy!

[chocolate makes it better]

I'm sure kids get possessed by the devil at a certian age!!

Mine's not there yet

[David]

That is such a lovely story. I have a boy who wakes up in the morning and the first thing he says is 'No!', as well. But he's the youngest. My daughter, the middle child, does it sometimes too but it's frequently the going-to-bed which is her chosen battlefield.
There is a lot to be said for the 'divide and rule' method (does that saying come from the Romans?). Two things are in really short supply with three or more kids: time to yourself - and one on one situations. They are something very special. (And the even rarer one on one situations between the parents are even more special!)